


Alternate Ending

by forsanolim



Series: Utterly Unsubtle [2]
Category: Christian Bible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 16:40:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16453562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsanolim/pseuds/forsanolim
Summary: Sequel to Judas





	Alternate Ending

Guilt hounds me every day. Self-recrimination nips constantly at my heels. The regret is suffocating.

_Please God, let this end._

Self-hate drowns me. Horror burns like flames and crawls like worms all over my body.

What have I done?

My God, _what have I done_?

My hands are soaked in blood that drips, drips until it becomes an ocean in which I am drowning. Blood pours into my throat as I gasp and claw for breath, and I _cannot breathe_.

Oh God, I can’t breathe.

I can’t go on. Oh God, I can’t go on.

_ Why not? _

_I have murdered Teacher._

_And?_

_ I threw stones at him and hurled insults at his face. I was the one who nailed his hands to a cross and lifted him up into the elements. It was I that whipped and cursed him and cast lots for what remained his clothing. _

_And?_

_ Let me die. _

_ He died for you. _

_ What? _

_ He died for you. He died for you and your brothers. He died for you and your forefathers and you descendants. He died for all of you. **My son died for you**. _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ How will you respond? _

_ I will die _ .

_ My son  **gave his life** for you, and you want to repay that death with your own? Where have you BEEN these last few years? _

_ I don’t understand. _

_ Did my son call you as his own? _

_ Yes. _

_**Are** you my son’s disciple? _

_ I am. _

_ What was it he commanded you? _

_ To love one another. To make disciples of all nations. _

_ Then why are you still here? _

_ But I am unworthy. _

_ According to whom? Who decides whether you are worthy? You? Did my son deem you worthy? _

_ Yes. _

_ So what are you waiting for? Go. _

I go. I now go.


End file.
